It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单，在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独，有一种不是悲伤的悲伤，才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我，我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗？”
“或许有一天，我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

　Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Tuesday, June 29, 2010
withers away @ 11:38 pm

abt the very-not-happy thing that happened:
clearly disturbed and affected. it's okay. i'll be able to handle it like a veteran with ease in time to come. i hope.
abt the very-very-very-happy thing that happened:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *jumps around*

ok. done.

It's something Mystical

Monday, June 28, 2010
withers away @ 6:28 pm

i dunno, there is this strange adrenaline rush when i see the kids and when i see everyone running everywhere doing everything. despite having less than 5 hours of sleep, despite not having things prepared, despite being in a mess, somehow somewhere things just flowed. and i met my kid from the past!
the feeling of being cheered is indescribable. so, minus all that happens in the office in the loom of darkness, the kids' pureness outshines all.

It's something Mystical

Sunday, June 27, 2010
withers away @ 4:10 pm

u think and u wonder. u wonder why. and u wonder why u think.
then u think that u don't want to think. but not thinking makes u less than a human and more like a robot.
hiya i dun want sch to reopen. HAHA.

It's something Mystical

Saturday, June 26, 2010
withers away @ 4:50 pm

i think u either call it independence or being AS. i'm so used to being alone, so used to staying alone, so used to talking to myself and my things, so used to doing my things otot, so used to being undisturbed, so used to dealing with everything alone. everything adds up, and it's not difficult to understand how and why.
i don't do reporting, nor informing, nor explaining. no, not to u. i conveniently conceal.
u know, sometimes i think i'm better off living alone.
retreating into darkness

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, June 15, 2010
withers away @ 5:57 pm

现在回阿嬷家，不需要为什么，不需要什么过年过节，就是纯粹想回家。这次说是提早庆祝父亲节啦，不过在我看来只是借口吧。大家几乎都回家了，就差大舅一家。不常见面，但是很奇怪，因为是家人，所以很自在。和姨丈、叔公、舅舅、表弟一起看球（好啦我是唯一女的），二姑婆过来串门子，看表弟妹吵架然后哭泣，教表妹做英文假期功课，和阿姨分享一大杯酸甘水（酸甘是自己家种的好不！），在炎热的木屋里吃红红的龙珠果和刚掉刚捡的榴莲（都是我们自己家的！），因为阿公喜欢吃所以舅舅买一堆螃蟹回来让阿姨煮，听长辈们说话……我敢说，回家是我最没有负担的时候。
还有，我家的阿公阿嬷是世界上最可爱的。很多时候形容老人家都说他们很慈祥，这两个不是耶，他们真的是可爱，可爱得让人心疼。阿嬷忙进忙出的身影很可爱，阿公猛吮螃蟹的样子很可爱。阿公给阿嬷的爱很可爱，阿嬷给大家的爱很可爱。养了一屋子的孩子，儿孙满堂，但愿大家都能珍惜这满满的爱。
踏入社会工作后大概唯一的好处就是可以自己赚钱。除了消费能力变高让自己更舍得花钱（好啦是花钱如流水，改次再细说），就是可以给爱自己的人一点心意。阿公阿嬷、契爷契妈。新币换马币，所以其实没有多少，但是我看得出他们很欣慰。我至少至少，做了那么一点点。
再说启仲吧，这个贴心可爱的孩子真的是人见人爱。况且，这个小的在所有的侄子外甥中跟我互动最多，真的认得我的大概也只有他啦。小孩子的世界很简单，家也很简单。家就是有屋子、阿公、阿嬷、妈妈、舅舅。但愿那长发的妈妈会一直留在他的画中。看到表姐幸福的样子，我们都很开心。我只能祝福她，这是她最后的归宿、最终的幸福。

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, June 02, 2010
withers away @ 10:51 pm

The Medicine Is The Sickness

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s people who won’t let me in on the freeway.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s having to let people in on the freeway.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s waking up to 50 assholes pretending to be me.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s waking up feeling like an asshole because I yelled at those assholes.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s people who turn the things I say into insipid greeting card messages.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s turning a bunch of ideas into a laundry list.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s that feeling you get when you scratch something new.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s not knowing what’s wrong with someone and all you want to do is make them feel better.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s knowing that my mind naturally gravitates towards the negative and not being able to stop it.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s people who become your friend, to become your friends’ friend.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s being really busy and using that as an excuse to ignore your email.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s having to acknowledge that my feelings are my own, no one else’s. And, my responsibility.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s forgetting that and taking the way I feel out on the world.

If there's one thing I hate, it's people who criticise things, who can't take criticism.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s going to the same job day-after-day for the same pay.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s not having a job.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s not you.

It's me.


说了再见 - 周杰伦
天凉了 雨下了 妳走了
清楚了 我爱的 遗失了
落叶飘在湖面上睡著了

想要放 放不掉 泪在飘
妳看看 妳看看不到
我假装过去不重要
却发现自己办不到

说了再见 才发现再也见不到
我不能 就这样 失去妳的微笑
口红待在桌脚
而妳我找不到
若角色对调 妳说好不好

说了再见 才发现再也见不到
能不能 就这样 忍著痛泪不掉
说好陪我到老
永恒往哪里找
再次拥抱 一分一秒 都好

妳的笑 妳的好
脑海里 一直在绕
我的手 忘不了
妳手的温度
心 碎了一地
捡不回从前的心跳
深陷过去我无力逃跑

It's something Mystical